An Electronic Mental Health Newsletter from Joel I. Kimmel, Ph.D., P.A. & Associates Volume 18, Number 9
This month’s e-Letter was written by Susan Flax Psy.S., our Licensed School Psychologist, who has decades of experience working with children. Because of the crisis in children’s mental health, this e-letter was written to highlight one of the most difficult tasks for children during their formative years… How do they manage being unique while fitting in with their peers?
KimmelPsychology is available for anyone in need of support, therapy, counseling, professional coaching, and psychological and psychoeducational evaluations. We practice telehealth and safe, in-office visits. For an appointment, call us at 954 755-2885. Se Habla Español.
Gentle Flow Yoga is Dr. Kimmel’s latest blog, and can be read here.
Balancing Uniqueness with Fitting In: The Ultimate Growing Up Challenge!
As a school psychologist, I’ve noticed a conflict that spans across all growth stages and cultures: how to balance one’s uniqueness with fitting into a peer group.
As parents we give our children this double message from very young ages. We equate being unique or one of a kind with those who rise to the top and are the best at whatever they choose. This is promoted by the Olympics, professional sports, and all award shows.
There are thousands who strive to succeed in every field. But only those with unique talents become known, and dare I say, get the “likes” on social media.
We also want our children to appreciate themselves for their combination of physical, intellectual, and emotional strengths, and to understand weaknesses can be improved.
We want our children to be leaders, so they don’t follow bad influences or crave negative attention.
So, we teach our children to be unique.
But we also want our children to be social, to have friend group(s), to feel like they belong and fit in. Students who have friends feel comradery at school. They enjoy being there and get better grades.
Kids who are part of a group can joke around and share their problems and dreams. They build relationships, learn how to trust, build resilience, be empathetic and be caring and kind.
Being part of a team is so important for their future career where no one truly works alone.
Importantly, they learn more about themselves from peer responses and how to navigate social situations.
As parents we can only encourage our children to fit into our generation. But peers encourage them to fit into their generation.
The question is, is it enough to be unique? What is the benefit of being unique if others judge you negatively or worse, if no one notices? And what is the benefit of being in a group if you feel that you can’t be yourself or contribute in a meaningful way?
Unfortunately, I see kids of all ages who choose one or the other rather than finding the balance. Either they focus only on their unique, authentic selves and they withdraw from peers for a host of reasons.
Or they long to belong and fit in and believe their unique attributes interfere with acceptance, due to poor self-confidence and self-esteem.
What they do not realize is that if they only focus on one rather than fuse both, they are missing an important piece of themselves either way. Those who are most well-adjusted understand the importance of balancing these two values.
Through therapy, my clients learn to find their uniqueness and how to best use it within a group.
The end goal is their happiness, acceptance, and growth.
If you are concerned that your child is not performing up to their capabilities or they seem anxious or depressed, intervening early can prevent a possible problem from becoming greater as the school year goes on.
Susan Flax is a licensed school psychologist who has extensive experience in evaluating children, adolescents, and young adults. She has tested for giftedness, intelligence, autism spectrum, attention deficit, depression, and anxiety disorders. She knows exactly what is required to ensure your child receives interventions and accommodations, if needed, as quickly as possible. Mrs. Flax can be contacted at 954 755-2885 to schedule an appointment.
WE PRACTICE BOTH IN-OFFICE AND TELEHEALTH; WE CAN HELP!
Call us at 954 755-2885 or email us at [email protected]
Joel I. Kimmel, Ph.D. P.A. and Associates
5551 N University Drive, Suite 202
Coral Springs FL 33067
As always, we are interested in your thoughts. If you would like to respond to this e-Letter, email your comments to [email protected] and we will publish them next month.
Till October…
The information provided in this electronic newsletter is not a substitute for professional treatment. It is the opinions of the writers and is provided solely for educational purposes. For mental health care, seek a qualified professional.
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Copyright © 2024 by Joel I. Kimmel, Ph.D. P.A. and Associates.
