Kimmel & Associates e-Letter
An Electronic Mental Health Newsletter from Joel I. Kimmel, Ph.D., P.A. & Associates
Volume 9, Number 3
Spring is literally around the corner. While the winter in Florida has been rather mild, it has been brutal in the rest of the country. We need to appreciate where we live as well as the difficult times our family and friends in the North have had. It would be to their benefit if we could offer some support and understanding.
Spring is also the season of rebirth. Flowers again begin to bloom and the snowbirds return north. We hope you take this time to have your own personal rebirth. Recommit yourself to your New Year’s Resolutions or other promises you made. Almost 25% of the year is gone so now is the time. We would encourage you to participate in any form of wellness program whether that means joining a gym, following a healthy eating program, or stimulating your mind with classes, lectures, or discussions.
At Kimmel and Associates, we are pleased to announce that Dr. Terry Newell has joined our practice and her caseload is building. Her bio can be found below. We have already begun a group for individuals with depression and another one is planned (see below). In addition, our modified website is in its final proofing and we look forward to changing the format of the E-letters.
This month’s E-letter, focuses on worrying, which seems to have become an epidemic in the past 10-20 years. Our email of the month is about The Back Nine and our Ask the Doc question is about managing a disappointing employee. We hope you find the enclosed information helpful. As always, we appreciate your questions and comments are welcome.
Practice News
Groups started. We have recently begun a support group for people who suffer from depression. This group is run by Dr. Jim Kaikobad and meets once a week for one and one-half hours. The group is educational, supportive, and confidential. It is limited to 8 people and has quickly filled up. Another group is currently forming and if you are interested, please contact Jillian at 954 755-2885.
Welcome to Dr. Terry Newell. We are pleased to announce that Dr. Terry Newell has joined our staff. Terry is a licensed clinical psychologist who graduated from Nova Southeastern University (NSU) with her Doctorate in Psychology (Psy.D). While studying at NSU, she spent 5 years working as a member of a trauma research team. Terry also has over 4 years of experience working as a manager of a battered women’s shelter and spent 6 years working at an adult day care center in a variety of positions. Her experience includes working as a therapist in both inpatient and outpatient facilities.
Terry has significant experience working with trauma, eating disorders, substance abuse, anxiety/stress, mood disorders, crisis management and severe and persistent mental illnesses. Her clinical leanings tend towards humanistic, existential and self psychology. In addition, Terry has a wealth of life experiences that include: living in England and 5 different states ranging from the very rural (Vermont) to the urban (NYC and NJ). She has traveled to 18 countries and 37 states. Terry has also worked as an American Culinary Federation certified cook, a camp counselor and with pre-school children diagnosed with Down’s Syndrome.
Research Study. We are continuing to participate in a research study with Life Extension Institute assessing the effects of cognitive therapy, nutritional supplements, and medications on weight management in overweight individuals. Informal results continue to show success for those subjects who are in the study. For more information about the study, contact Jillian, at 954 755-2885.
Testings. If you are concerned about your child’s school placement, this would be a good time to have them evaluated. Recent questions from parents have ranged from should their child be retained to whether they are gifted to whether they have a disability that can qualify for accommodations at school. Our practice does different types of evaluations to help answer those questions and information about these evaluations can be found on our website. If you have more specific questions, please contact Dr. Kimmel who would be happy to answer them.
Parent Education and Family Stabilization Course. Our practice is one of the few offices certified to provide the Parent Education and Family Stabilization Course. Sometimes referred to as the Divorce Class, it is required by the State of Florida for all parents divorcing or separating even if not legally married. We have provided this course many times and have designed it as a 4-hour, one-session presentation that focuses on ensuring that parents protect their children from the effects of divorce or separation by setting aside their differences and focusing on the children’s need for both parents in their lives. The course also provides information about divorce as loss, gives an overview of the Florida laws and statutes related to divorce and custody issues, and offers information on how children react to divorce based on their ages. The course is offered live on a flexible schedule, based on the availability of those attending the course. Please contact our Administrative Assistant, Jillian, at 954 755-2885 for additional information.
Handouts from previous e-Letters can be found on our website. We invite you to read and download them if desired.
WHY WORRY?
Our E-Letter this month focuses on a mental activity that almost everyone does, worrying. To some extent, worry can be protective as it can prepare us to deal with a perceived threat. However, most of the time, worrying is a negative mental activity that is often unnecessary and can lead to a major anxiety disorder. In fact, one of the criteria for anxiety disorders is excessive worrying.
Our society tends to focus on increasing worrying. Watching any news report will increase your worrying about something, even if it completely unrelated to you. In fact, because of the deluge of information we are exposed to on television, on our phones, and on our computers, there is always some question left unanswered that we need to worry about. Truly, do we need to worry about whether some participant will be kicked off some reality show? Do we need to worry about whether some celebrity has gained weight? Do we need to worry about whether some bachelor/bachelorette will propose? Really?
We have become conditioned to worrying about many unimportant people and events and unfortunately, many people seek relief from worry in drinking, drugging, shopping, or other potentially harmful behaviors.
In cognitive psychology, worrying is tied to “What-If” thinking. We often ask ourselves, what if this was to happen or what if that was to happen? We have been trained to try and find a solution and often go over and over possible solutions. Yet, most of the situations we worry about never, ever, ever happen. Yet we worry. This can lead to excessive or chronic worrying that can lead to a Generalized Anxiety or Panic Disorder. Worrying can affect our daily functioning, our digestive system, our blood pressure, our sense of energy, our relationships and our performance at work or school.
A 2006 study by Dr. Walter Cavert found that 40% of the things we worry about never happen, 30% of our worries concern the past, 12% is needless worries about our health, 10% are insignificant or petty, and 8% are legitimate issues. This means that 92% of our worry is over things that won’t happen or things we can’t change. Yet we continue to worry and not enjoy our lives each day. What should we do?
To decrease your worries, try to recognize what you actually have control over and take some action. If you have no control over the situation, let it go. Recognize your irrational thoughts and replace them with rational ones. Also recognize whether the situation affects you personally or are you being drawn in? If you do find yourself worrying, try to timeframe it. Say to yourself that you will give yourself 15-30 minutes to worry. After the time is over, stop and find something else to do. If you worry about your health, get a medical examination and talk and listen to your physician. Distract yourself with other activities and be active. Assert yourself to others rather than complain about your situation. Exercise daily, eat healthy, and lower your caffeine intake to reduce stress. Practice relaxation by meditating, deep breathing, and listening to calming music.
We offer the following information on Why Worry:
“It makes no sense to worry about things you have no control over because there’s nothing you can do about them, and why worry about things you do control? The activity of worrying keeps you immobilized.”
What to Know!
- Worry is negative mental activity we do to avoid perceived potential threats
- It is the negative self-talk we do that builds our anxiety and can immobilize us
- Worry is usually in response to a ”what-if” that seldom happens
- It can distract us from focusing on actual possible solutions to the problem at hand
- A 2006 study by Dr. Walter Cavert found that 40% of the things we worry about never happen, 30% of our worries are over past events, 12% are needless worries about our health, 10% are insignificant or petty, and 8% are legitimate situations
- Worrying can sometimes be helpful if it motivates you to take action to solve a problem
- [Kimmel & Associates 954 755-2885] However, usually it adds to problems when you worry about worrying about a problem
- Constant worrying can affect your mental and physical states; it can interfere with your sleep and cause you to feel tense and edgy
- Chronic excessive worry is a major criteria for Generalized Anxiety Disorder
- Toxic worry, as defined by Dr. Edward Hallowell, is when the worry paralyzes you
- Often people worry chronically because they believe that it helps them find a solution, they don’t want to overlook some key point, or they don’t want to be surprised
- With excessive worry, your mind and body can go into a highly aroused and/or panic state where you are solely focused on what might happen and feel a sense of impending doom
- Chronic worrying interferes with your appetite, sleep, lifestyle, job, and relationships
- Often worriers will seek relief in cigarette smoking, eating, drinking, and drugging
- Health problems related to chronic worrying include digestive disorders, memory loss, dizziness, dry mouth, fast heartbeat, fatigue, headaches, difficulty concentrating, muscle aches, sweating, trembling, and rapid breathing
- Some irrational beliefs worriers have include:
- I am a born worrier
- If I worry about something, it won’t happen,
- Because it didn’t happen once doesn’t mean it won’t happen the next time
- Because I’m worrying about something, it’s likely to happen
- Worrying mostly comes from patterns of thinking and feeling that are developed over your lifetime and can easily be learned from watching one’s parents
What to Do!
- Worry is negative mental activity we do to avoid perceived potential threats
- It is the negative self-talk we do that builds our anxiety and can immobilize us
- Worry is usually in response to a ”what-if” that seldom happens
- It can distract us from focusing on actual possible solutions to the problem at hand
- A 2006 study by Dr. Walter Cavert found that 40% of the things we worry about never happen, 30% of our worries are over past events, 12% are needless worries about our health, 10% are insignificant or petty, and 8% are legitimate situations
- Worrying can sometimes be helpful if it motivates you to take action to solve a problem
- [Kimmel & Associates 954 755-2885] However, usually it adds to problems when you worry about worrying about a problem
- Constant worrying can affect your mental and physical states; it can interfere with your sleep and cause you to feel tense and edgy
- Chronic excessive worry is a major criteria for Generalized Anxiety Disorder
- Toxic worry, as defined by Dr. Edward Hallowell, is when the worry paralyzes you
- Often people worry chronically because they believe that it helps them find a solution, they don’t want to overlook some key point, or they don’t want to be surprised
- With excessive worry, your mind and body can go into a highly aroused and/or panic state where you are solely focused on what might happen and feel a sense of impending doom
- Chronic worrying interferes with your appetite, sleep, lifestyle, job, and relationships
- Often worriers will seek relief in cigarette smoking, eating, drinking, and drugging
- Health problems related to chronic worrying include digestive disorders, memory loss, dizziness, dry mouth, fast heartbeat, fatigue, headaches, difficulty concentrating, muscle aches, sweating, trembling, and rapid breathing
- Some irrational beliefs worriers have include:
- I am a born worrier
- If I worry about something, it won’t happen,
- Because it didn’t happen once doesn’t mean it won’t happen the next time
- Because I’m worrying about something, it’s likely to happen
- Worrying mostly comes from patterns of thinking and feeling that are developed over your lifetime and can easily be learned from watching one’s parents
- If you have health worries, get a medical examination to rule out any health problems
- Exercise daily, eat healthy, and lower your caffeine intake to reduce stress
- Practice relaxation by meditating, deep breathing, listening to calming music, etc.
- Visit with friends and participate in social events
- Be conscious of your worries and set aside 15-30 minutes of time to develop solutions and then let the worries go
- Try the techniques of distraction and thought stopping to stop worrying
- Recognize that your worries can be irrational; try to replace them with rational thoughts
- Seek professional help to develop coping strategies, to change worrisome thoughts and fears, and to help find solutions to problem situations
We Can Help!
Call us at (954) 755-2885 or email us at [email protected]
Joel I. Kimmel, Ph.D., P.A. and Associates
5571 N. University Drive, Suite 101
Coral Springs, Florida 33067
As always, we would like to welcome new readers to our e-Letter. We hope that you find it informational and enjoyable. We invite you to share this e-Letter with others. If you have received this from a fellow reader, please send us your email address to include you on our list.
Ask the Doc
SW writes: I am the manager of a small company. One of the employees I manage is a very friendly and likable person who usually gets the projects done. However, whenever she comes up with an idea to do something and is given the go-ahead, she invariably can’t do it. She talks a good game but when it comes to results, it usually falls apart. She recently came up with a great idea and did some research and tried to put it together but it didn’t work. When talked with about it, she made some lame excuse. I felt angry and frustrated. All the other employees like her and I don’t want to correct her as it would hurt her feelings and it might affect her performance in other tasks. How would you recommend I handle it?
Dr. Joel Kimmel replies….It seems to me SW that you have basically 2 options. One is to courteously assert yourself to her. Discuss your feelings about how you counted on her and believed her only to be let down. This sounds like a pattern so it needs to be changed for your piece of mind. Approach her in a problem solving manner and see how she responds. If she does take offense, explain that your conversation with her is not personal but only an attempt to find out why her project was not completed. Review the project and ask her to explain why it fell apart. Perhaps she doesn’t have the skill set to execute on her plan even though she may think she does. Remember to repeat to her that the conversation was not personal.
The second option is to learn from this experience and to recognize that you cannot count on her with new projects. She may be a good idea person but not someone who is capable of follow through. She may need specific direction or supervision. You can discuss her ideas with her and even reward her for having them but leave the follow through to someone else who can do it. Hope this helps.
Email of the Month
We would like to thank Al H. for sending us the following email:
THE BACK NINE… AND THEN IT IS WINTER…
You know … time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years. It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then, and of all my hopes and dreams.
But, here it is… the “back nine” of my life and it catches me by surprise…How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my youth go?
I remember well seeing older people through the years, and thinking that those older people were years away from me, and that I was only on the first hole, and the “back nine” was so far off that I couldn’t fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like.
But, here it is…my friends are retired and getting gray…they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better, and some worse shape than me…but, I see the great change…Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant but, like me, their age is beginning to show, and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we’d become.
Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore… it’s mandatory! Cause if I don’t on my own free will.. I just fall asleep where I sit!
And so…now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!! But, at least I know, that though I’m on the “back nine”, and I’m not sure how long it will last…this I know, that when it’s over on this earth…it’s not over. A new adventure will begin! Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn’t done…things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I’m happy to have done. It’s all in a lifetime.
So, if you’re not on the “back nine” yet…let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life, do it quickly! Don’t put things off too long!! Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether you’re on the “back nine” or not!
You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life…so, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember…and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the years past!!
“Life” is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after. Make it a fantastic one.
Please continue to send us your comments, questions, and favorite emails for our e-Letter.
Till April…
The information provided in this electronic newsletter is not a substitute for professional treatment. It is the opinions of the writers and is provided solely for educational purposes. For mental health care, seek a qualified professional.
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Copyright © 2014 by Joel I. Kimmel, Ph.D., P.A. and Associates.
